Relationship mindfulness is a reflective practice that involves awareness of self in the context of other. The goal of relationship mindfulness is to slow down the process of interaction between you and your partner by taking time to “just notice”, i.e. observe and describe your experience, that of your partner’s and how both experiences transact and influence one another. In doing so, we are able to act and react more skillfully, with heightened awareness as to what is effective given our long term relationship goals. Relationship mindfulness involves paying close attention to your experience: What am I feeling? What am I sensing? What am I thinking? (Content and/or style) What do I feel an
Mindfulness practice is simply “time in” – a type of contemplative or reflective exercise. You can practice during a circumscribed period of time, as well as incorporate the practice “on-the-spot”, as you are engaged in day-to-day activities and interactions. What to do: Observe: Just notice the experience. Don’t push away your thoughts and feelings, don’t hold on to them. Just let them happen as they will. Focus your attention. Redirect when your mind when it wanders. Let go of distractions. Describe: Put words on the experience. Describe events inside your body (thoughts, feelings, sensations, urges) and what is happening in the situation. Use the preface “I notice…” Notice but don’t:
Definition: Mindfulness is a state of heightened awareness of the present moment without judgment. HEIGHTENED AWARENESS: Awareness of both internal and external experiences and events. PRESENT MOMENT AWARENESS: Awareness of what is happening now versus ruminating on the past or anticipating the future. CONTROLLED AWARENESS: Awareness that is focused on one thing at a time. NON-JUDGMENTAL AWARENESS: Awareness without judging as good/bad or right/wrong. Non-judgmental awareness is simply noticing “what is” without interpreting or analyzing. Mindful awareness can help us to: Separate out our experience of reality from reality. Like a lens through which we experience ourselves and the world a
PART 2: NOTES ON STATES OF MIND Simply put, your state of mind reflects your inner experience. It represents the “what’s” of our mind and body. What am I thinking, feeling, and sensing? What action urges am I experiencing/what do I feel compelled to do? Diagram 1: Reality as it exists with all its pain and pleasures, ups and downs, is fused with our experience of reality. What we think, feel, and want to do are consistent with what is really happening. For example: “I think this person did x-y-z because they are intentionally trying to hurt me”. “I feel anxious and suspicious as he/she wishes me harm”. As a result of thinking and feeling this way, I act in a hypervigilant manner, loo
